Languish on the Lake

 I have been on this river for years. Thousands of years, hundreds of years, I have no idea. I just went back and forth from one end to the other. I used to think it was fun at first but after so long… It got boring. Like, really boring. 

As a kid, I thought living on a boat was like, the best idea ever. Now, I regret it. I think I was hoping for more fun. More excitement like on all those boating shows my dad used to make us watch with him. Damn, I always thought of how cool it would be. But nope. Just stuck on a boat. 

No one else was on it. I mean, sometimes people came on board but they were more like hitchhikers. They stayed for maybe a week on average. The longest one stayed was about half a year. She was fun, had some good stories. When she left, it got super boring super fast. 

Boring this, boring that, potato, tomato. 

Whatever. 

They got to leave and I was trapped here. I tried not to be bitter about it. ‘Look at the bright side,’ is what my sister would tell me. I tried to. Sometimes. What an idiot. 

The boat rocked as something hit the side. At first, I just ignored it, thinking it was some sort of tree branch. But then it happened twice more. Two hard bangs on the side of the boat. 

I walked to the railing on the side of the boat and looked over to see someone staring up at me. He was treading water and looking up at me with a tired look. He was soaked in water and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to bring him on the boat. The deck was dry and I didn’t have any towels to offer so… 

“Hey! Can you let me up?!” he shouted at me. I scoffed in annoyance and looked down at him. “C’mon, seriously. It’s kinda cold.” 

I leaned against the rail, glancing at the ladder that was carefully folded. “Why? You’re kinda gonna get my deck wet,” I responded, scratching the side of my head. I really didn’t want to mess up my ponytail, I had styled it so nicely. 

He looked at me with an ‘are you serious’ look. Heath Ledger’s was better and luckily this guy wasn’t him. Younger Ledger was attractive, though, and this guy was kinda like that in a way. “Because it’s a nice thing to do?” he called in response. 

Looking around, I tried to see if there were any other boats in the area but I knew it wasn’t worth it. There were never any other boats. “I’m not necessarily nice. But fine.” I pushed the ladder down, watching it unfold and splash into the water. The man grabbed a hold of the metal rungs and pulled himself up. 

The deck briefly shaded over as it passed under the bridge. I looked up, spotting the bats I saw countless times whenever I passed under any bridge. I saw new ones every few years. I really did love these bats. They were pretty, especially whenever I passed by at night and saw them flying around. 

The man was now on my deck, barely dripping any water. That was at least one perk of the situation. Water didn’t stick very well to dead people. 

“Welcome aboard the Intermedial. What can I help you with?” I asked as I turned to him, crossing my arms over my chest. 

He hunched over to catch his breath before straightening up. “Why the hell did I end up in the river?” he shouted. He was also wearing some sort of uniform. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it still looked a little fancy. He was wearing something like a dress shirt and jeans. Boots, too. Like, cowboy boots. Gross. 

I shrugged and walked to a deck chair. “I never know why people do,” I responded, sitting down as I grabbed my sunglasses off one of the many tables bolted to the deck. I didn’t look at him as I put them on, enjoying this stupid eternally sunny day. “You end up in the lake - it’s a lake, by the way, most people know that - and you find my boat.” 

This was the same thing I told each of the others. Normally, they knew the difference between a river and lake. Especially when it was people who looked smart. I let the sun hit my body. That was one of the good things about being stuck on the boat all day. It meant I was able to get an amazing tan without the use of a tanning bed. 

“What are you talking about? I should still be in traffic, because God knows this damn city is just bumper to bumper!” he shouted. I could tell without looking at him that he probably wanted to throttle me. 

“Yeah, city traffic does that.” I could see it every now and then when passing one of the bridges. Mostly early in the morning and in the afternoon. It was weird being able to like, see that but not hear it. That was another thing with this. Sometimes you see everything going on around you but you can’t hear it. 

Shade was suddenly blocking out the sun. 

I opened my eyes to look up at him, a little annoyed. “Why am I here?” he demanded. I rolled my eyes at him and sat up to look at him. 

“Like I said, welcome to the Intermedial. It’s my boat. It’s like a uh, a pit stop before you know where you’re going,” I explained clearly. I glanced at my deck and saw that there wasn’t much lake water left. Thank god. My deck might’ve been treated with a sealant but I didn’t trust it all the way. 

It took a moment for him to understand. I could see the look on his face. I watched as it shifted from confusion to thoughtful to understanding. “Holy shit…. What the fuck, I’m dead, aren’t I?” he said. His eyes were wide as he looked at me, almost panicking. “How the hell did it happen? I was just driving to the stupid hotel! This fucking city! I come down for a fucking work trip and end up dead!”

He started to ramble on about how much he hated this city. It was loud and angry and it seemed like he needed to punch something. Or kick something. I’d have to hide my metal bottle holders. I didn’t want dents in them. 

I surveyed the lakeside as he continued to go off the rails. We were approaching another bridge with smoke billowing off of it. The movement of the boat was starting to slow. Great. I raised my hand to get his attention. “What?” he screamed, his face almost tomato red - not beets, beets aren’t bright red. I pointed at the bridge. 

“You wanted to know what happened? Look up there.”

There was a car hanging off the overpass. Smoke was billowing from the front and the back. I loved it when it was like this. Not like a ‘look in the lake’ thing. This made it so easy. “I guess someone rear ended you off the bridge. Either that or a lack of sleep or caffeine leading to a little, uh, errrk,” I said, mimicking the motion of swerving off road. 

He watched the scene with a disheartened look. I couldn’t blame him. It looked pretty bad. No one wanted to see their moment of death. I leaned back against the pool chair. “But… That’s not fair,” I could hear him whisper. 

“Life’s not fair, babe,” I sighed. The boat was still stalled. It wasn’t gonna start moving for another few minutes. I got up and walked across the deck. There was a small bar with a fridge behind it. I opened it and pulled out two drinks. One for him and the other for me. 

I walked back to him, opening both drinks and handing him his. “Old fashion is a good choice. I like the cherries,” I said, going to sit back down after making sure the drink was securely in his hand. “I’m more of a frozen mango margarita person but to each their own.” I took a long sip from my drink. 

The guy stammered for something to say but nothing came out. He sat down and downed the drink in a minute. The glass refilled itself. “So I really am dead,” he trailed off sadly. 

I nodded, taking a sip from my own drink, “Afraid so. For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” Silence followed for a moment. “I can tell you that it was at least a painless death.” 

We shared a look. He didn’t seem too happy with that news. “Painless normally means instant,” he stated. I shrugged and looked away from his… I don’t want to say mad but it was something like that. “I didn’t even get a chance to fight for myself.” 

Most people didn’t get a chance. But I wasn’t sure if that was going to help him or not. For the moment, staying quiet would be better than speaking. It was kinda hard. I felt like if I didn’t talk, then I would be stuck in my head. That was never fun. But still, it was kinda hard to not wanna talk. 

So the silence was really strong. Couldn’t even hear any fish in the water. Or turtles. Sometimes there were turtles. I liked the turtles. But I couldn’t hear any movement in the water or any movement in the air. 

After a while, it did seem like the guy had calmed down a bit. Like, he wasn’t angry anymore. More just confused. “So… If I’m dead, why am I here?” he asked, looking at me. I gave him a smile.

“Every different religion has their own version of purgatory,” I told him. “There’s also different words for it. I think my favorite is intermedial. Just sounds nice, ya know?” I watched the scene as the first responders pulled the car away from the edge of the bridge where it had been teetering.

I could feel his eyes on me. “Apparently, Mister Reaper Man needed a break. And some help. So, some people who died around that time became ‘reapers’,” I tried to explain to him. “But it was not my choice! I would not be on the boat that killed me. But anyways, now I’m just stuck here on a boat drifting down Lake Jane for who knows how long. You meet a lot of interesting people here.” 

Something like pity filled his gaze. I always hated that look, it was so annoying. “And don’t say that you’re sorry. I don’t wanna hear it. I’m really far from that at this point,” I said, taking a long sip from my drink. 

Even if I didn’t get a choice, at least I was able to enjoy free refills on my drinks and a good ass tan. I was content at least. Maybe I’d have to find a way to get reality television. That would make for such a super good addition on this ride. 

Silence followed once more. Ugh. “You said others come through…. What happened to them?” he asked eventually. The boat started moving on, passing under the bridge where the wreck disappeared from sight. 

I chuckled, “They passed on. They realized something inside of them and faded away.” I couldn’t help but frown a bit at the thought of it. They would be in the middle of telling me a story and just disappear. It was upsetting sometimes but after the first few, I stopped getting attached. 

I downed the rest of my drink and sat it next to me. “But…You stay?” he questioned. I just shrugged. “Do you have any idea why they leave?” 

“Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’. 

He was going to start making up possibilities on why they left, I could tell. People normally did after learning that I would be no help. I just let them go off. Normally, they would realize that no matter what they could come up with, it didn’t really work. I think it was a different thing for everyone. 

“So I’m stuck here,” he trailed off. I looked over at him. I couldn’t tell how many times he had downed his drink or what was on his mind. “I had a plan for my life… I was supposed to go home after today and get a promotion…. I-I was going to propose to my boyfriend.” His voice was starting to tremble. He was reflecting. 

I watched him. That’s all I could really do. I didn’t like to ask questions. I knew that others liked to but I found that kinda just made things worse for them. It gave them more to think back on, and more to become upset over. I didn’t want to deal with a burst of emotions. 

The man - I still hadn’t asked for his name, I’m not sure it mattered - turned away to hide his face as he wiped his cheeks. “I had gotten a ring and everything. I…I didn’t even- We had a fight before I went on the work trip. I can’t remember if I even, i-if I even talked to him before the crash,” he sobbed. “Oh God, what if he thinks I hate him?” 

I sighed quietly. As much as I didn’t want to get involved, I knew I’d have to eventually so, “I think he’ll forgive you.” He looked at me with a sort of surprise. I turned away so I didn’t have to give him an illusion that I was feeling some sort of real sympathy. “What was the fight even about?” 

If he kept speaking, I wouldn’t have to say much. “The fuckin’...The work trip. He didn’t like the fact I had to leave for so long. Thought that I’d fall for this stupid place and want to move here,” he said. I looked around at the buildings that rested on the river sides. I could see two men arguing in one of the windows, their arms moving around frantically. It was the arguments that he was talking about. But once the man left, the other was left standing in view. His expression was stuck in one of pained worry.

I think that might’ve been one of the things I liked most about the river. The stories that these people told played out on the river side. I could see what really happened. I could see it for myself and determine how I wanted to view them. Sometimes it ended up biting me in the ass. 

The scene faded away before I turned back to him, noticing that he wasn’t talking anymore. His expression was more crestfallen. He had become quiet. I turned back away from him. What could be said here? What could I tell him? 

“I don’t think he was that upset. Perhaps he was just worried,” I said, quietly. That felt as if the best thing I could say. 

I pretended he wasn’t staring at me. I didn’t show any interest in his life. The silence was so loud. I watched the riverside. 

“Maybe…Ya know, we met at a party. It was a stupid party that someone in college threw,” he said. I watched him from my peripheral. “I thought it would just be good to go and get out of the house. I guess it just…ended up being a good idea.” 

The boat approached a lakeside house. Despite the bright sun overhead, there was a dimness surrounding the house. Lights were flashing inside. It was the party he was talking about. There were two teenagers standing on the balcony, talking. It was the man and his lover. Other people were there but she couldn’t figure out their faces. It was as if their faces just weren’t there. 

The two of them were chatting, one of them putting a hand on the other. Flirtatious movements and winks. “Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to take things further but I hadn’t even come out yet. That party wasn’t the first time we saw each other. We kept meeting up at the parties and then it just…,” he trailed off. 

I watched as the two men kept talking before starting to kiss. The scene faded away. Across the river, another scene started to play out. It was in an outdoor field. There was a large group of people, spread around in smaller groups. I could see the two men, still appearing as teenagers but slightly older. They were standing close together, arms linked. “When did you tell your family about the two of you?” I asked gently. 

He paused for a moment before smiling, appearing lost in thought. “It was my grandpa’s eighty-fifth birthday. Probably not the best place to come out to your family but it-...it was rare for us to get together like that.” 

The two men had started walking around the field, chatting to those they would come into contact with. It was easy to tell when the news was broken. Some looked in disbelief, others looked in acceptance. Overall, they were all happy for him. They congratulated him. 

An elderly man using a cane and being assisted by an older woman came to the two. Something about the old man was familiar. I couldn’t tell why this man was familiar to me. I felt a pit in the bottom of my stomach. It was just a sinking feeling that grew deeper. I couldn’t pull my gaze away from the old man. The woman helped the man to sit in a chair. 

“I wanted my grandpa to meet him… And my grandpa almost never went anywhere, especially anywhere near water,” he continued. “He never really explained why he didn’t like water but my mom just told me it had to do with some kinda trauma with a boat and a friend or something.” I paused and glanced at him, keeping my expression as neutral as possible. 

Ah. That made a bit of sense. “It was his sister,” I muttered. 

“What?” he questioned, turning to me. I shook my head and waved it off, adjusting the sunglasses I was wearing. The older man looked good. He looked healthy for his age. A vision of his younger self flashed across his face. What a lucky bastard. 

The scene continued for another moment before fading. “Alright,” he grumbled. He took another sip of his drink. A reflective look passed over his expression. It was changing in multiple ways. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. I couldn’t tell what he was feeling. 

But he was starting to become content. Whatever he was thinking, it was providing a sort of comfort to him. “I just…I hope that my family is there for him,” he whispered. A wistful look passed over him. The wistfulness was quick to change again. 

It felt as if he was experiencing time at a different rate than me. 

Perhaps he was. 

With every new thought he was experiencing, with every new feeling he gained, something about him changed. I didn’t bother to turn as his form shifted. This could be a new record. 

“I…I hope they all know I would do anything for them.” 

I finally turned to look towards him. All that was left was a cup with a half finished old fashion. 

It was indeed a new record. 

I stood up with my cup, walking over to grab the half empty cup. I downed the rest of the old fashion, aiming for the cherry sitting at the bottom of the cup. “Nice knowing ya,” I said into the open space. I brought the cups back to the small kitchen, putting them into the sink. 

I left the water running as I stared out into the horizon. As my boat passed over the river mouth, I found myself not in the ocean but at the headwaters. 

I have been on this river for years. And I was still so bored.